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  • Writer's pictureJulie Lokun

Regain Your Composure With Confidence- In 7 Steps.

For most of us- cynicism and polarized opinions are triggering these days. If you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or the CEO of your domestic experience- everyone touches upon high-conflict experiences. When things are good the whole world radiates beauty. When we are at our best, we shine a bright light upon all around us that is contagious. However, when we are confronted with bitter confrontation, the ability to snap back and get back to life is a muscle not easily flexed.

I am not a doom and gloom, glass- is- half-empty person. Rather I fancy myself the purveyor of cultivating the bright side in most situations. I interact with so many people each week and I intentionally manage to keep my energy levels high. And this ability to curate a high vibrational energy is purposeful. After all, who wants to listen to a malaise-infused coach?

Reality Check:

Things do get bad. For me. Reality hits me hard, in particular, when I am absorbed in a triggering conflict and then transition into a coaching call that demands the peak performer from myself.

When I logged onto a coaching call earlier this week, I was mentally dealing with the collateral damage of an emotionally charged conversation. This fury-infused conversation left me in a puddle of self-doubt. I did not know how I was going to actively engage in a positive coaching conversation, provide leadership, and create a space for innovative thinking. I was seduced with an exit plan--perhaps I cancel the appointment? (Which I have never ever done but would provide instant relief).

After the acidic altercation earlier in the day, I was knee-deep in monkey brain. I tried, to access my best self and put my proverbial coaching cap on. With earnest, I forced myself to block the processing of the intense conversation. I felt deflated and began doubting myself in every capacity. And yet, I had to be in fighting form in 10 minutes. My next client was scheduled to meet with me-in 10 short minutes, while I continued to vacillate between self-pity and anger, How can I possibly serve my coaching client in the manner they deserve in this frame of mind?

What is the answer?

I want to say that the answer is as simple as putting on your favorite outfit, looking in the mirror, and telling yourself that “You Got This”! Instead, I found these practical ways to help me through momentary angst.

These 7 tips brought my mindset back to peak performing and focus on what was important.

  1. Just Do It. It is as simple as the Nike tagline. Take a deep breath, focus on the task at hand, and dive into your assignment. Tackling a different challenge takes the edge off the confrontation at hand. Procrastination and avoidance add to the weight of your stress. Muster up your game face, take a deep breath and just do it.

  2. Leave Your Garbage At The Door. With intention, compartmentalize your stressful situation and leave it at the door. I am not suggesting forget about it, but put it aside for a moment and compartmentalize the two experiences. Actively participate in what you need to do now and choose to unwrap the stressful experience thereafter. Time and perspective can be great tools in working through confrontation.

  3. Focus On What Really Is Important. Scale your stressful situation. In the big picture, how important is the issue to you? Was this a monumental altercation that will shift your path or was it simply, a blip on the radar?

  4. Accept responsibility and don’t ignore your part in the situation. Quickly assess your responsibility in the stressful event. Take ownership in your contribution.

  5. Spend five minutes outside and take a sensory bath. Change your scenery. This is a powerful tool that can alter your brain chemistry and give you the grounding needed to perform at a level of excellence. If you take five minutes prior to your meeting, walk outside, close your eyes and utilize your five senses. Listen to the breeze rustling in the trees. Feel the cold snap of air envelop your face. Smell the fresh, clean air as it invigorates your body. Taste the electricity of the outdoors. These five minutes will wash your brain of the intensity of the conflict.

  6. Write down your grievances and refer to them at a later time. Nothing is more soul-purifying than writing it down. Take a minute to scrawl down a laundry list of stressors. Write with fury and write with passion. Then walk away. Feel the cleanse.

  7. Ask the universe to guide you in your purpose and then surrender. Let the universe take the reigns. Surrender friends. The act of surrendering to what is-will remove the heavy burden you carry. We are not in control of other’s actions-so the act of subconsciously trying to navigate situations is depleting. Surrender and trust that the universe will course correct.

I continually strive to strike a chord of resonance in your life. Send me a note and let me know how I can address your challenges in my next blog.
You got this- Jules

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